FIFA

 VIDEO - PARODY TrUMP'S CALL

Monday July 6, 2026

The whole tsunami of bullshit, it turns out, didn’t matter anyway since the US lost its match to Belgium in yet another proof point for Rick Wilson’s maxim that everything Trump touches dies. But, of course, in the lead up to the match, Trump managed to ruin the entire World Cup experience for everyone, confirming in the Oval Office today that he had indeed made direct calls to oleaginous FIFA head Gianni Infantino - who has been kissing Trump’s corrupt ass for over a year now and infamously presented him with the made-up ridiculous FIFA Peace Prize – to pressure him to review US player Folarin Balogun’s red card. The red card meant that Balogun, the US team’s top scorer, would have been suspended from playing tonight’s game.

At an Oval Office event called to celebrate the launch of (barf) Trump Accounts this morning, Tailgunner Ted Cruz (R-Cancun) swoons to Trump that “on behalf of all Americans, thank you for getting rid of that ridiculous red card,” adding that “it was spectacular. There was a reason the FIFA trophy sat there as long as it did.” Wink, wink. I guess Cruz didn’t get the memo about how you’re supposed to hide the blatant blackmail and corruption huh? Trump accepts the kudos like a mob boss, and says (wink, wink squared) that all he did was “ask for a review” and didn’t tell Infante “what to do,” which sounds a lot like a “nice little world cup tournament you got there, shame if something would happen to it” kind of call.

In pretty much the same breath as admitting “I didn’t know what the hell a red card was,” Trump brags "I saw the play, and I'm a person that loves sports, and that wasn’t a foul.” Damn, the stable genius picks up things fast! Trump, incredibly, says if Balogun hadn’t played and Belgium had won he’d just “say it was rigged, just like the 2020 election was rigged.” Wait, what??? Yup, he’s just admitting out loud that when he/the US loses anything he just says it’s rigged. This seems significant but I guess nah.

In any event, FIFA, predictably, announced yesterday that it was overturning Balogun’s suspension. As the New York Times reports, it is the first time since 1962 (!) that FIFA has nullified a suspension for a red card given out during world cup play. People who, unlike me, actually know stuff about soccer argued over whether Balogun should have received the red card in the first place, but what never seemed to be in dispute was that Trump shouldn’t have put his fat bronzed thumb on the scale, tainting the whole shebang. Axios writes that the bottom line is that “a tournament that showcased America’s friendlier side is now facing a controversy that threatens to overshadow all that goodwill.” Yeah, that ship has sailed.

On the flip side, score one for birthright citizenship, which Trump and the entire MAGA-verse are going batshit crazy over, ever since the Supremes, by a scarily narrow majority, upheld the clear language of Section 1 of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. (The nerve!!!) Balogun, don’t you know, became a US citizen at birth on account of the fact that he was born in Brooklyn while his Nigerian parents were visiting the United States. Well, that’s awkward.

In addition to accepting kudos for putting the fix in with Infante, Trump, at the Trump Accounts event, talks about his new helipad, says crypto guys are lucky he’s president since he’s dropping investigations of them all over the place (the open corruption is mind-blowing), and brags, apropos of nothing, that new numbers are in and he’s number 1 on TikTok “by far” and that Taylor Swift is only number 11. Americans are literally losing brain cells every time we hear this moron speak.

It makes you think: when did we as a country decide it was just okay for the “president” to make shit up out of whole cloth and we won’t call him on it??? It is such an epic failure of our press and our institutions that this is allowed to happen and I’m not sure how we come back from it, especially since we have an entire political party and an entire right-wing echo-system bought in to validate and amplify the rantings of a madman.

Speaking later at a “Rose Garden Club” lunch on the concrete slab that used to be the Rose Garden, Trump picked up with the lunacy right where he left off in the Oval, ranting preposterously that before he returned to office, the city of Washington DC was like the “wild west” where robbers would regularly waltz into restaurants and yell “stick em up” and “give me your money” and “the whole restaurant is handing them money.” OMG!!! This is beyond ludicrous, of course, but he used this absolute fantasy to justify why he wants to “go into” Chicago and San Francisco and “wipe out crime” there as well. It’s a good reminder that behind most every seemingly just stupid and idiotic thing there is also a malign and dangerous intent. The dudes know how to multitask.

The ridiculous lunch, like everything else, was just a forum for him to talk nonsense and tell lies no one will call him out on. He says 11,888 murderers came in through Biden’s open border policy and “they’re living in a place near you” but at the same time he’s “gotten rid of most of them.” That’s quite the trick. He whines about how we need a “missile proof” ballroom, he calls MAGA-loving Nicki Minaj, who is attending the luncheon, “so hot,” and asks for music so people “don’t have to talk to each other.” And just like that, the song YMCA fills the air. We are living in the dumbest timeline ever.

Extra Credit:

The repellent Trump-enabling Maine Senator Susan Collins is the luckiest SOB on the planet, part one billion. Maine Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner is toast. Politico, it appears, put the final nail in his coffin today, with an in-depth report on credible accusations of sexual assault. While releasing a video calling the accusations false, Platner, the New York Times reports, cancelled appearances and says he will take some time to “reflect” on his path forward.

In about 5 minutes after the Politico story dropped, the Maine Democratic Party called on Platner to drop out of the race. Ro Khanna, Ruben Gallego, End Citizens United and a host of other individuals and groups withdrew their endorsements. While the MAGAs are exulting, Sarah Longwell suggests a “gentle reminder that the sitting US president has been accused at least 28 times of sexual harassment and/or assault, and is an adjudicated rapist.” Consistency has never been a MAGA strong suit.

To bloviate about Platner, Fox has on that paragon of virtue, former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who says of the Platner allegations that “one thing I know about Republicans is when we had a very bad candidate, we didn't vote for that person. We walked away.” I got nothing.

Finally, the regime’s attempt to rewrite American history, erasing all complexity and all the struggles of oppressed groups (er, everyone who is not a straight white male Christian) took another ominous (are there any other kind with these folks?) turn this weekend when the White House published a report entitled “Saving America’s Story” (oh boy, here we go). As the Washington Post reports, the 162-page report accuses the Smithsonian’s acclaimed National Museum of American History – where countless busloads of impressionable children every year are exposed to radical and subversive things like Abraham Lincoln’s top hat, Mr. Rogers’ sweater and Dorothy’s ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz – of “extreme political activism.” Good grief.

“Saving America’s Story,” which is laughably inane, claims that museum leadership is using the Smithsonian as “a political instrument to divide, dispirit and discourage our citizens.” Holy shit! The Catwoman costume from Batman seemed an odd choice for the Smithsonian’s collection and doesn’t really do it for me but a political instrument intended to sour visitors on the country seems a bit much. Maybe they meant Eddie Van Halen’s guitar???

As reported in the Post, a Smithsonian spokesperson said in a statement Sunday that “for more than 180 years, the Smithsonian has served the American public with nonpartisan and independent scholarship, and we remain committed to doing so.” Uh-oh. Nonpartisan and independent??? That's not going to fly.

Thanks so much for reading and stay safe and healthy everyone!!! Remember we are not the crazy ones!!