Trump's About To Get ...

 

Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more Trump's About To Get Fucked Like He's Never Been Fucked Before And Iran's Swinging A Bigger Dick Than He Thinks I Fucking Love Australia Mar 17   READ IN APP   Look at this beautiful bastard. Standing there at the pump. MAGA hat on. F-150. Shirt that says “he lied about everything.” And behind him, the gas price sign reading like a bloody phone number. $6.89 for regular. Seven and a half bucks for premium. All sales final. Please pay first. Yeah no shit, please pay first. At those prices you’d rob the joint and still not be the biggest criminal in the story. This image is AI generated, obviously. My audience knows that. But here’s the thing that should make every single one of you uncomfortable. The only fake part of this picture is the bloke. The prices? Give it a month. Because Iran’s Revolutionary Guard has looked Donald J. Trump dead in the eye and said, and I quote, “Get ready for oil to be $200 a barrel.” And they’re not running their mouths. They’ve shut the Strait of Hormuz. Ninety per cent of shipping traffic through the most important oil chokepoint on planet Earth has stopped. They’re hitting ships with missiles. Tankers are on fire in Iraqi waters. A Thai cargo ship got smacked 11 nautical miles off Oman. They’re attacking vessels from countries that aren’t even in the bloody war just to make the point that nobody moves oil while bombs fall on Tehran. Iran’s new Supreme Leader, the son of the bloke Trump vaporised in the opening strikes, has declared the strait stays closed. His first public statement as leader of Iran. Not “let’s negotiate.” Not “we seek peace.” It was “close the strait, pressure the enemy, attack every US base in the Middle East.” That’s what happens when you kill a man’s father and expect his son to send a fruit basket. Oxford Economics says $140 a barrel tips the global economy into recession. We blew past $100 two weeks ago. Brent crude hit $150 on the Middle Eastern benchmark. Analysts are on the record saying $200 is “not ridiculous at all.” The 2008 record of $147, adjusted for inflation, is $211 in today’s money. We are on the doorstep of the most catastrophic energy crisis in living memory and the stupid, reckless, narcissistic game show host who caused it spent two years on the campaign trail promising 77 million gullible marks that he’d make everything cheaper. And they believed him. They fucking believed him. Again. Let me take you on a little trip down memory lane. Strap in. This is going to hurt. “Starting on Day One, I will end inflation and make America affordable again.” Day one he signed executive orders about pronouns and renaming the Gulf of Mexico. Inflation said thanks for asking, I’ll see myself in. “I will cut the price of energy and electricity in half.” Electricity prices went up 11%. Natural gas went up 87%. Eighty. Seven. Per cent. In New York and New England, wholesale electricity prices surged more than 60%. One in 3 American households, 80 million people, are struggling to pay their power bills right now. Not “finding it tight.” Struggling. As in choosing between the light bill and dinner. But sure, drill baby drill. “12 months from January 20, your electric bill, including cars, air conditioning, heaters, everything, the total electric bill will be 50, 5-0 per cent, less. That’s my pledge, all over the country.” He actually said 5-0 like he was spelling it out for his own voters because he knew they’d need it slow. And they still didn’t check the maths. A 50% cut would have required electricity prices to drop to levels not seen since the Clinton administration. Every single energy economist on earth said it was impossible. Every one. And MAGA said “nah, the economists are the deep state, Trump knows energy.” He knows fuck all about energy. He knows about slapping his name on buildings he doesn’t own and selling steaks through the Sharper Image. That’s his energy expertise. “We’re going to bring grocery prices way down.” Then, literally weeks after winning the election, before he’d even put his hand on the Bible, he told Time Magazine: “I’d like to bring them down. It’s hard to bring things down once they’re up. You know, it’s very hard.” Read that again. He hadn’t even started the job and he was already telling you he couldn’t do the one thing you hired him to do. That’s like a plumber showing up, looking at your toilet, and going “yeah, pipes are tricky aren’t they” before billing you and leaving. Eggs hit $6.23 a dozen. Beef up. Bacon up. Coffee up. He told you he “won on groceries.” Congratulations. You won the election and lost at the checkout. “Energy costs, all of it, air conditioning, heating, all of it, including gasoline, will drop by more than 50% within the first 12 months.” He said that in Pennsylvania. To working people. To their faces. While looking them in the eye. And not a single synapse in that bronzed, hamburger-powered skull fired a signal that said “maybe don’t promise something literally impossible.” Because he doesn’t care. He never cared. He told you what you wanted to hear because that’s what conmen do. That’s the whole job description. Tell the mark what they want to hear, take their money, and be in the next state before they figure it out. And then. AND THEN. This spray-tanned carnival barker made a hat. “Trump Was Right About Everything.” Wore it in the Oval Office. Threw them to reporters like he was tossing fish to seals. Sold them on his website for 31 bucks. Set up a whole merchandise corner in the West Wing of the White House like it was a bloody airport gift shop. The leader of the free world, hawking hats and $249 cologne from the same building where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. And MAGA ate it up. Ran around the internet like sugar-addled toddlers screaming “TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING” under every post, in every comment section, on every platform, in every language, for months on end. So let’s check the fucking scorecard, shall we? “I’ll cut gas prices.” He started a war that sent them to the moon. National average has gone from $2.92 in mid-February to $3.72 and climbing like it’s got somewhere to be. California is past $5.50. Diesel is at $5. The all time record of $5.02 for regular is in the crosshairs. And if Iran gets their $200 barrel? The numbers on the sign behind our mate in the MAGA hat aren’t satire anymore. They’re a fucking forecast. “I’ll cut electricity in half.” It went up. Everywhere. In every state. By a lot. The average American household paid $116 more for electricity in 2025 than 2024. He gutted wind and solar tax credits, forced decrepit coal plants to keep running, and fast-tracked LNG exports that ship American gas overseas while domestic prices climb. He literally made energy more expensive on purpose and then told you it was going down. And you believed him. Again. “I’ll fix groceries.” He couldn’t fix a sandwich. Grocery prices rose every month. He slapped tariffs on half the countries that supply your food, driving costs up further, and then went on Truth Social and said prices were falling. They weren’t. Bureau of Labor Statistics data says they weren’t. Your own receipt says they weren’t. But who are you going to believe, Donald Trump or your own lying eyes? “No new wars.” He launched the biggest US military operation since the invasion of Iraq. Six American service members dead and counting. Five billion dollars and counting. No exit strategy. No congressional authorisation. No clear objective beyond “look tough for the cameras.” He bombed Iran because he could, not because he had to, and now every American family is paying for it at the pump, at the grocery store, and in the quiet terror of watching their savings evaporate. “I’ll release the Epstein files.” His own DOJ suppressed them. Put out a memo saying there was no client list and no further charges. The man who partied with Epstein for decades told you he’d expose the truth, and then his own Justice Department buried it. And when people pushed back, he called it the “Jeffrey Epstein Hoax” and told everyone to move on. Move on. From a child sex trafficking ring involving the most powerful people on earth. Yeah, nothing to see here. “Drill, baby, drill.” Active drilling rigs dropped 6% because oil was too cheap at $57 a barrel to justify new wells. The market solved that problem for him. But then he bombed the one country on earth guaranteed to make oil expensive again, and suddenly drilling makes financial sense! Funny how that works. Almost like there’s a whole industry of donors who benefit when oil prices spike. Almost like every promise he made about cheap energy was designed to get elected, not to get implemented. Almost like the game was rigged from the jump and 77 million people were too busy chanting “USA” to read the fine print. Trump was right about everything, they said. Name one thing. One. I’ll wait. He was wrong about gas. Wrong about electricity. Wrong about groceries. Wrong about inflation. Wrong about wars. Wrong about Epstein. Wrong about drilling. Wrong about tariffs. Wrong about the wall. Wrong about Mexico paying for it. Wrong about health care. Wrong about infrastructure. Wrong about the deficit. Wrong about the debt. Wrong about COVID. Wrong about injecting bleach. Wrong about windmills causing cancer. Wrong about raking forests to prevent fires. He wasn’t right about a single goddamn thing and he made a hat about it. And now? Now the whole rotten circus is eating itself alive. Nick Fuentes, the snivelling little fascist who dined at Mar-a-Lago, who helped organise Stop the Steal, is telling his followers to vote Democrat. Democrat. His actual words: “The GOP must be purged and burned to the ground in ‘26. Hostile takeover in ‘28.” The man who wanted to stop the steal now wants to stop the Republican Party. He looked at the war and the Epstein cover-up and the broken promises and said “still better than Kamala?” Yes, Nick. The guy you built your entire brand around? You were wrong about him too. Sit down. Alex Jones cried on his podcast. Actually got choked up saying “it’s sad to see something you fought and bled for die.” This is a man who was ordered to pay $1.3 billion for telling the world that murdered 6 year olds at Sandy Hook were crisis actors. A man who tormented grieving parents for profit. Who harassed families burying their children. And now he’s the one who’s sad. Now he’s the one watching something he loved die. I’d say the irony is poetic but that would require Jones to know what poetry is. Welcome to consequences, you howling sack of rancid ham. Tucker Carlson called the Iran war “disgusting and evil.” Tucker. The bloke who platformed every authoritarian talking point Trump ever grunted. Who helped radicalise a generation of angry white men into thinking immigrants were replacing them. Who left Fox News under a cloud and immediately started cashing cheques from Twitter. That Tucker. Now he’s got a moral compass. Now he’s horrified. Mate, you helped build this. You laid every brick. You don’t get to stand in the rubble and ask who knocked the building down. Megyn Kelly is questioning whether American soldiers should die for a foreign country. Andrew Tate, the accused human trafficker that Barron Trump reportedly idolises, called the strikes “really fucking stupid.” Adin Ross, the streamer Trump loved because he brought in the young male vote, said the same thing. Dave Smith, whose podcast is massive with the exact young men who swung the election, called it an “intolerable humiliation” of Trump’s base. And then there’s Stewart Rhodes. Founder of the Oath Keepers. Convicted of seditious conspiracy for January 6. A literal insurrectionist. A man who tried to overthrow the United States government to keep Trump in power. And he has publicly left the MAGA movement. Let me say that again for the people who still think the hat was right. A man who committed treason for Donald Trump has looked at this presidency and decided it’s too much. When the guy who stormed the Capitol for you says “I’m out,” your movement isn’t fracturing. It’s already dead. They just haven’t found all the pieces yet. And the young blokes. Oh, the young blokes. The 18 to 29 year old men who swung the election. Democratic support among young men dropped 46% between 2020 and 2024. They bought the “America First” pitch. The alpha male energy. The podcast bro pipeline. The Joe Rogan to MAGA funnel. They were told Trump was the antidote to a system that didn’t care about them. They were promised cheap fuel, cheap food, no wars, and a government that worked for regular people. They got $5 diesel. $6 eggs. Dead American soldiers in a Middle Eastern desert. An Epstein cover-up. And a president who looked at surging gas prices and said it’s a “very small price to pay.” Easy to say when you’ve never paid for your own petrol in your life. Easy to say when you’ve never stood at a pump watching the numbers climb past a hundred bucks wondering if you can still afford to drive to work this week. Easy to say when your entire existence is gold toilets and taxpayer-funded golf carts and a merchandise stand in the West Wing selling cologne to rubes. Iran knows exactly what it’s doing. And I guarantee you the Ayatollahs have read Sun Tzu’s Art of War back to front a hundred times and watched the Wesley Snipes movie even more. They’ve got Trump’s measure pegged to every last Chicken McNugget. They know he’s not a strategist. They know he’s not a dealmaker. They know he’s a guy who wrote a ghostwritten book about real estate in the 1980s and has been coasting on the title ever since. The Art of the Deal versus The Art of War. One’s a paperback full of shit written by a guy who went bankrupt selling casino gambling to Americans. The other is 2,500 years of military strategy written by a man whose principles have guided every successful commander in history. And Trump walked into this thinking he was the smartest bloke in the room because he’d done well on a reality TV show. The Ayatollahs aren’t playing checkers. They’re not even playing chess. They’re playing a 4,000 year old game on a board they built, in a region they understand down to the last grain of sand, against a man who thinks strategy is tweeting in all caps at 3am while eating a Big Mac on the toilet. They can’t match the US military, and they know it. So they’re fighting the only war they can win. An economic one. Every barrel of oil that doesn’t move through Hormuz is a grenade tossed into the living room of every working family in the Western world. Every dollar added to a barrel is a dollar removed from Trump’s approval rating. They know Americans didn’t vote for this war. They know the coalition is splintering. And they know that if regular unleaded hits $7 a gallon and stays there, the guy in the MAGA hat doesn’t just take off the hat. He sets it on fire. The IRGC spokesman put it perfectly: “You will not be able to artificially lower the price of oil. The price of oil depends on regional security, and you are the main source of insecurity in the region.” That’s not propaganda. That’s a diagnosis. That’s Sun Tzu in a press release. Attack the enemy where he is weakest. And Trump’s weakest point was always the gap between what he promised and what he delivered. Iran didn’t even need intelligence briefings to find it. They just had to watch his rallies. And so here we are. The man who promised cheap everything has delivered expensive everything. The man who promised no wars has started the biggest one in 20 years. The man who promised to drain the swamp is neck deep in it, selling hats and cologne while his own supporters choke on the fumes of an economy he set on fire to impress a country that isn’t his. 77 million people voted for this. Twice. And not because there weren’t warnings. There were warnings everywhere. We screamed them. We wrote them. We posted them. We begged. And we were told we had a syndrome. That we were deranged. That we should shut up and give him a chance. We gave him two chances. He lied both times. About everything. Every single time. The critical thinkers knew. Not because we’re geniuses. Because we had the bare minimum respect for reality required to notice that a man who bankrupted 6 casinos, ran a fake university, raw dogged a porn star while his wife was home with a newborn, got found liable for sexual assault, was convicted of 34 felonies, tried to overthrow an election, stole classified documents and hid them next to the toilet, and then sold you a Bible with his name on it alongside the Constitution he tried to destroy might not be the most reliable source of economic policy. Call it a hunch. Look at the photo one more time. The hat says “Make America Great Again.” The shirt says “he lied about everything.” The gas prices say the rest. And behind the camera, 77 million people are quietly taking off their hats, deleting their tweets, scrubbing their Facebook posts, and pretending they never said “Trump was right about everything.” But the internet is forever, dickheads. And so is $7 petrol. He lied about everything. The shirt was always right. The hat never was. ~Gman