Monday March 16, 2026
After insulting our allies then starting a war without consulting them, shitting all over NATO, and all but abandoning Ukraine while handing Russia, Europe’s existential threat, a big win on oil, Trump is whining like a little bitch that those same European countries won’t come to our assistance to clean up the shit show his piss poor planning and malignant megalomania has unleashed onto the world. Trump wants our allies to help us secure shipping through the Strait of Hormuz, which somehow the - in his (slurred and incoherent) words – “totally defeated” and decapitated and “annihilated” Iran is somehow managing to f*ck up.
So how’s that looking for him? Are they coming to his aid? CNN posted a video composite (all his video clips sound like blooper reels now) of Trump - within one hour(!) today - saying 6 different things about help from our NATO allies:
--"They won't be there for us"
-- "We have some that are really enthusiastic. They're coming already."
-- "This isn't 'need'"
-- "If we need anything, they should be jumping to help us"
-- "We want them to come and help us with the strait"
-- “My attitude is we don't need anybody Aaaaaarrrrggghhhhhhh!!!!
Well he might not have anybody. As of tonight, the Wall Street Journal reports that Japan, Germany, Australia, Italy and Spain are among those that have told Trump to take a hike. England and France are a maybe.
Iran, meanwhile, is a definite yes - to be more hardline and more dug the hell in. Despite the US spending more than a billion bucks a day to pound them into submission (sometimes hitting things “just for fun” as Trump, repulsively, put it on Saturday), the Iranian goons appear to be firmly entrenched. The Washington Post reports today that US intelligence assessments say the bad guys will remain in place. Huh. So much for regime change I guess.
And to make sure he stays entrenched, Trump is using the war to further his authoritarian project, bleating on his dumb personal social media site that even though Iran is “militarily ineffective and weak,” they “are really good at ‘feeding’ the very appreciative Fake News Media false information.” He goes on to charge that pretty much “any buildings or ships that appear to be on fire are AI generated FAKE NEWS.” (Wow, all of them? That’s big!) He suggests that “the Media Outlets which report FAKE stories should be charged with TREASON,” which is of course punishable by death. OMG. And the money shot: he says he is “thrilled” that his fascist FCC Chair Brendan Carr is looking to pull the licenses of what he calls “Corrupt and Highly Unpatriotic ‘News’ Organizations,” and wraps up by whining about “the Late Night Morons” on the networks.
For the slow ones in the back, he is saying that news organizations that accurately report the news should have their licenses pulled. Oh, and that the reporters might have to be executed too. Jesus.
As per usual, the “president” today is trotted out in short bursts just to talk bullshit and act like an ass. The words “executive time” on his calendar, which roughly translates from the Trump as “watching TV,” are doing a lot of heavy lifting these days. His first appearance is when he makes comments before a meeting with the Kennedy Center Board of Trustees.
He whines about our NATO allies not bailing him out, repeating his absurd bitch that “the problem with NATO is we’ll always be there for them but they’ll never be there for us.” Good God. The only time Article V was ever invoked was when all the NATO allies came to our aid after September 11th.
Trump says Iran has been “literally obliterated.” Hmmm, where have we heard that before? He begs both our ally Japan and our enemy China to come in and help police the Strait. What???
He lies… wait for it… that "I knew the Strait would be a weapon. I predicted it a long time ago. I predicted all of this stuff. I predicted Osama bin Laden would knock out the World Trade Center. I wrote it in a book." Whoa!!! But a few minutes later he says “they weren't supposed to go after all these other countries in the Middle East. So they hit Qatar, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Bahrain, Kuwait. Nobody expected that. We were shocked.” So he was shocked at the exact thing he says he predicted. Got it.
Musing on his great achievement in Venezuela, he says “the president has done a very good job. I get along with him really well.” Oopsies. The president of Venezuela, Delcy Rodriguez, is a woman unless he knows something we don’t. Hey! Transgender for everybody!
Later he has another press availability in the Oval, where he sits behind the desk with his tiny hands gripping it like he’s holding on for dear life. This meeting is supposed to be about the execrable JD Vance’s new gig rooting out fraud but it is just a blabfest of idiocy. He babbles about the Somalians in Minnesota, saying they have no money but yet “are driving around in Mercedes Benz cars.” He is demented.
Santa Monica Goebbels chimes in with this: "If all of this theft were stopped, it would be enough to balance the budget. The extraction of wealth from American taxpayers to people who don't belong here is the primary cause of the national debt." LOLOLOLOL they don’t even pretend to make sense.
Implying it was Clinton, Trump says that he’s spoken to a “former president” who told him he was doing the right thing in Iran and that the (imaginary) former president said he wished he’d done it. NBC News later reports that they checked with Clinton, and representatives of all the other presidents, and they all said Trump’s story was bullshit.
And if you think Trump is chastened by Iran, buckle up: "I do believe I'll be having the honor of taking Cuba. That's a big honor. Taking Cuba in some form. I think I can do anything I want with it, if you want to know the truth." He is a sociopath.
He ends with this: “The Democrats are terrible…Here we are fighting big battles with a very tough enemy” – he catches himself and quickly adds “and winning, nicely” LOL - “and we’re not allowed to have security in our country. It’s crazy. These are bad people. These are not people who love our country I can tell you that. Very sick people. Thank you very much everybody.” What are we even doing here anymore?
Extra Credit:
Move over Canada. Trump crackpot post of the night: “Wow! Venezuela defeated Italy tonight, 4-2, in the WBC (Baseball!) Semifinal. They are looking really great. Good things are happening to Venezuela lately! I wonder what this magic is all about? STATEHOOD , #51, ANYONE? President DONALD J. TRUMP.” Maybe he should talk to that guy who’s president about it.
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And he wasn’t the only one blowing up the socials. After Trump today mistakenly referred to the governor of California as president of the United States (imagine if Joe Biden…oh never mind), the governor of California went to town:
“NOW THAT I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AM OFFICIALLY PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (THANK YOU DONALD!), I HAVE MANY BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE! FIRST, EVERY TRUMP EXECUTIVE ORDER IS NULL AND VOID, STEPHEN MILLER AND EVERY TRUMP GOON IS FIRED, AND THE TRUMP CORRUPTION PROBE IS OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED! HEALTH CARE IS NOW FREE FOR ALL AMERICANS (NO MEASLES!) AND ALL MOMS GET FREE CHILDCARE SO WE CAN HAVE MORE BABIES!!! ALSO CANNABIS IS NOW LEGAL AND ABORTION IS BACK FOR WOMEN WHO WANT IT. I WILL SOON BE BANNING ALL TICKETMASTER FEES AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE COMMERCIALS ALLOWED DURING NBA AND NFL GAMES, AS WELL AS ALL BRAVO “REAL HOUSEWIVES” SHOWS (LONGER EPISODES!). EVERY AMERICAN FAMILY NOW GETS A “TARIFF AND GAS SPIKE REFUND” TO BUY A CHEAP ELECTRIC CAR! THE COUNTRY IS NOW RUN BY SOMEONE WHO CAN ACTUALLY COMPLETE A SENTENCE. AMERICA IS NOW “HOT” BECAUSE YOU HAVE A DYSLEXIC PRESIDENT INSTEAD OF A BRAIN-DEAD ONE. BIG UPGRADE!!! — GOVERNOR GCN”
Thanks so much for reading and stay safe and healthy everyone!!! Remember we are not the crazy ones!!!
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